Monday, October 26, 2015

Things I'm not putting out into the universe

You have to be ready for love to come into your life. I am not ready. I am not willing. I am floating happily on my own little raft right now. I have never felt more whole or more excited about the next bend in the road.

This is not a defense mechanism. This is not an excuse for why I am single. This is a manifesto. I sleep well at night-- alone. I work hard and play harder, and I'm not searching. There is nothing I lack.

I heard a fellow artist say the other day that you have to be ready for love, and that when you are, you will find it. When that time comes, speak it into existence, she said.

I'm not ready for love. Not because I'm damaged or grieving or broken, but because for the first time in a long time, I feel entirely in charge of my life. I'm loving every second of this freedom.

I'm living every bit of my life on my own terms, un-apologetically.

So I'm not asking the universe for the love of a lifetime-- not yet. I'm not asking for a warm body next to me or a Christmas sweetheart or a last call of the day. I'm asking for inspiration for my art, for the discipline to work even harder to pay off my debts, for the ability to give more of myself to my friends and family.

And I'm also asking for more tattoos, if I'm honest.