Monday, October 19, 2015

It got better

This was the first place I lived after my divorce that was totally mine. I had bounced from one parent's house to the other while I got my affairs in order and could finally put a deposit down on my own place.

The first week I was there, I went to the store to buy shower rings. There I was, standing in the aisle with a pack of brushed metal shower curtain hooks in one hand and clear plastic shower rings in the other... and I was sobbing. That crazy person in the home goods aisle at Walmart, balling her eyes out? Yeah, that was me.

I had shower rings. I even had an extra set. Why didn't I grab them when I left? WHY DIDN'T MY HUSBAND CARE ENOUGH TO FIX HIMSELF SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BUY NEW SHOWER RINGS? I dried that mess up, went home to my townhouse, hung my shower curtain, and went to bed alone. I adopted Tater the following week.

I wish I had known when I was crying in the aisle at Walmart that this would be my life now. Last night I was sitting in bed with fresh sheets out of the dryer, surrounded by my babies, drawing and writing in my sketchbook. I just happened to look up and take this photo-- this amazing photo-- of my life now.

I realized I'm totally content. I'm okay with where I am in life. I'm happy to be snuggled up next to my furry children, drawing in my sketchbook, sleeping alone. I want for nothing. My bills are paid. I'm so grateful that I had the support of my parents through those first six months, and that since then I've been surrounded by people who have propped me up when I was a mess and a half.

And I just wanted to write this post to let you all know: it got better.