Wednesday, May 27, 2015

What fear looks like

I don't have nightmares. It's been a while since I've woken up in a cold sweat, reaching for Tater or the nightlight of my phone screen to soothe me. But tomorrow I start counseling. God only knows the demons that will awaken. I imagine this is going to get much, much worse before it gets any better.

I left my ex-husband and proved I was strong enough to stay gone. I started skating to prove to myself I wasn't fragile. Maybe this is what courage looks like for me these days. At twenty-seven years old, I will sit in front of a stranger twice a month and talk about the hard shit that I only write about in my journals.

Lucky her.

To say I'm dreading it would be an understatement.