Tuesday, December 16, 2014

A Christmas card for my former fertility doc

The letter I wrote to my former reproductive endocrinologist, accompanied with my Christmas card:

Dr. Best*,

I hope this letter finds you well! I wanted to send you a little note to let you know how things were. I'm sure you get Christmas cards all the time of babies you helped create, but I wanted to send you my own version of a happy Christmas card. I'll explain.

I'm sure it's interesting as a medical professional for you to hear from your patients after they've left your practice. Our story ended in March when I finally legally divorced [ex-husband]*. Our separation lasted almost two years! I have never felt this free, despite the fact that he still asks me occasionally to "come home" (where is that?) His girlfriend is due any minute with a baby girl. Upon learning this I stayed in bed for two days and ate an entire box of doughnuts, but then got on with my life. Grief sneaks up on you sometimes.

I am living a life I'm proud of now-- without [ex-husband]. It's a life I couldn't have lived with him. I know now that my miscarriages happened for a reason, as hard as they were. I'm seeing an amazing guy who treats me so well. It's not something I'm used to for sure.

Tater and I are living in Charlotte. I still work in marketing and do freelance graphic design. I play roller derby now-- proving to myself that I'm not fragile or broken (that seems to be the siren song of infertility and loss.)

All this to say that my Christmas card doesn't have a baby on it, and that's okay. I will have a family one day, and you will get that Christmas card, too. You advocated for me so perfectly in a time when I had totally given up. I can't thank you enough for that.

I hope your holidays with your family are wonderful and that you know how grateful I am that you were the pour soul assigned to my case. :)

All the best from your favorite subfertile,

*Names have been changed for obvious reasons