Wednesday, November 12, 2014

An open letter to my future child, part 2.

I am really going to screw up. A lot. Like, a lot a lot.

I will occasionally cuss when I step on a Lego with my bare foot, or when you spill a drink on one of my Apple products, or when you rip the pages in that book that I just got you yesterday. I might ignore you when you're asking a million questions in the car and all I want to do is get home and pour a glass of wine when you go to bed, or maybe even before that. The Tooth Fairy might forget to put money under your pillow. I will occasionally have to throw away pieces of your preschool "art" when you aren't looking so it doesn't hurt your feelings. I will forget to pack snacks for your soccer team. These things will happen, and I won't be the perfect parent, because the perfect parent doesn't exist.

This is why I have to work on being the best version of me that I can right now, before I meet you.

Because it's not your job to fix me. 

I need to deal with the grief of losing the babies that came before you. I need to learn to be nice to people even when I'm sleepy and out of coffee creamer. I am trying to think before I speak, even when I'm angry. I'm learning to consider other points of view before forming opinions. I am establishing a career so I can afford all the things you will need as you grow. I am practicing being alone and happy on my own, because if I can't do that, I'll be a terrible partner later in life. I'm trying to budget my money, to pay off debts, to work extra while I still have the energy. I'm not your mother yet, but I'm making room for you in my life so that when I meet you, I'll be ready.