Friday, July 18, 2014

Ten Goals

Art by Trevor Baum
I dream a lot and I talk a lot about things I want to happen in the future. Here are my top ten goals that are measurable, detailed, and have a deadline.

I also really like lists, so every Friday you will get some sort of list. Most of them won't be this serious though.

Goals, in no particular order:

1. To own this tiny house by the time I turn 30. I love the idea of living small.

2. To get rid of all the clothes I never wear and have a capsule wardrobe. Literally, my floor is full of this pile of clothing I don't need. I want this done by the end of the summer, but now that I have a free weekend, it may be done by Monday.

3. To have one month of emergency savings by the end of the year. I think I'll sleep better at night.

4. To do something creative-- anything at all-- every single day.

5. To sew my own formal dress (I imagine something like this) and also a not-so-formal dress (like this!) This way I always have a dress on hand for your wedding/funeral/fireman's ball and I don't keep buying dresses that don't fit my body the right way. Maybe by December as well?

6. To go an entire week without saying something negative about myself or my body.

7. To master crow pose. I did it-- and held it-- the other day for a few seconds and was so proud!

8. To bring in ten new design clients-- and finish their respective projects-- by December.

9. To finish the children's book that's been swimming around in my head for a month or two... by the end of the year.

10. To skate in a roller derby bout by July of next year. I am approaching my one-year derbyversary and I am still so far off from being even close to ready to playing. It's discouraging, but it's mostly my fault. I have a few skills I need to master before my gameplay will improve. Either I kick it into full gear or I quit derby, and I'm not ready to give up this dream yet.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

So easy

It would be so easy to run. It would be so easy to sell what little I have and donate the rest and disappear.

It would take time, but I could pack up all my art supplies and organize them for a car ride south. Somewhere warmer. Somewhere inspiring. Somewhere near water. Somewhere with whiskey. Somewhere where Tater could run and play and lie down in the sun when he got tired. We both could.

My best friend always told me she thought I would be a revolutionary. She thought that I would graduate and go on to do big things that would change the world. I look around this office, cluttered and stacked high with paperwork and materials for an upcoming trade show. This isn't what I thought changing the world would look like.

There are revolutionary things that I would like to do. I'd like to sew my own clothes, grow my own food, live in the country in a tiny house. I'd like to adopt shelter dogs and be a full-time, self-employed artist. I'd like to write a children's book. I'd like to make people think with my work. I'd like it to mean something. I'd like to right my wrongs by doing something that could benefit the world in some big way.

You'll call me a dreamer when you read this. Unrealistic. A typical '90s kid. Idealistic. Lost. A wanderer. And I am all of those things. I can't reconcile myself today. I'm feeling very underwhelmed, unsure of the next step. I miss my Savannah family. I miss Savannah in general. I miss the security of knowing I could always go home, and knowing exactly where that home is, and knowing that my second family would be sitting around the kitchen table waiting to greet me. Now that I know that I will have to move in October regardless...

...It would be so easy to run.
It would be so easy to run.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Home or someplace like it

"You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is-- a group of  people that miss the same imaginary place."
Garden State - Fox Searchlight Pictures

Sunday, June 29, 2014

But tonight.

I want to remember this exact moment forever. The porch is lit by a citronella candle, the dogs sprawled out like rugs across the patio. It smells of smoke and magnolias, and a choir of crickets are singing in surround sound. I'm sipping on a beer as Tater chases a frog in the yard. This will be the last night of its kind. I'm sitting on the porch step, breathing this precious air in deeply, missing Savannah already.

Friday, June 27, 2014


1. For my personal trainer who pushes me, inspires me, laughs with me, mentors me, and is as invested in my goals as I am. She's quickly become a great friend, one of those kindred spirits that I feel like I've known forever.

2. For friends that chase their dreams and encourage me to do the same.

3. For my siblings who are pouring into our family beach house next week. We bicker occasionally, but my heart feels really full when my family is together having fun.

4. For pants that don't fit, because I was really starting to get discouraged while watching the scale. I mean, I know it's just a number, but when you're working your butt off you want to see it move at least a little, right? I've been pulling my pants up all day long... time to invest in a belt.

5. For this song, because it's fun and fast and TRUE. Get it, Meghan Trainor. Makes me wanna dance it out!